Tuesday, January 4, 2011

My Perspective

The writer of the letter was tired of people telling her to "get over" her daughter's death. Here is...

My Perspective

Just in case you are wondering when she will make her appearance, the "old" Dana is never coming back. She is no longer here. She died along with Jacob.

Losing Jacob has changed me forever. I will never be the same person that I was. I will never view things, situations, or people the way that I did before. And this may surprise you... I don't even WANT to be that Dana. And the loss is so completely profound that I could not be the same even if I DID want to be.

I can't "get on with my life." My life has been inexorably altered. Jacob's birth was life-changing. His life and battle with pulmonary hypertension were part of the everyday fabric of my life. How could his death be anything less than catastrophic? I will never "get over it," but I am learning to live with the pain and the loss.

Do not try to think that you understand. You don't. Do not try to tell me how I should cope. You have no idea. Do not try to tell me what I should or shouldn't do. I am doing exactly what I need to do. If you want to know how to help, let me heal the way I need to heal. Listen to me talk or sit there while I say nothing. Allow me to talk about Jacob, but don't push me on things I don't want to tell you. You may not like what I say if pushed too far.

Accept me for who I am now and who I will be, but don't expect the "old" Dana to ever come back. She, like Jacob, is gone. If you have the chance to see me in heaven, with my entire family reunited, then you can expect to see a different Dana. But she, too, will be different than any Dana you've ever experienced.

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